Top 10 "Unanswerable" Questions

In 2010, the Telegraph ran a story on 10 of the most unanswered questions of the decade in the world predicated on the Ask Jeeves community platform survey. And while we’re a little over six years late in unveiling the answers, we’re nonetheless thick enough to assume that you’ve still not found them yet and therefore are brazenly unapologetic in showing off our magnificent intelligence in the hopes that it’ll diminish yours in reciprocate manner. Here they are:

1 What is the meaning of life?

This depends very much on whether you’re incarcerated or not. If yes, it means your arse is cooked and you’re highly unlikely to see beyond your 6 by 8 cell walls anytime soon. Otherwise, it just means you’re existentially living it. And though you might not realize it yet, both meaning and non-meaning basically converges onto the same nucleus. Living – however painful or happy, significant or minuscule is the meaning of it all.

2 Is there a God?

Yes. Why and what do you want?

3 Do blondes have more fun?

If you’d call going through the 13 steps from bleaching to conditioning as a means to re-engineer the natural folic pigmentation of that nest that sits atop your head, then by all means “yes”. But for the rest of us mere mortals who can only afford a 10 buck haircut every six months, I say “screw it!” Nothing can be more fun than avoiding your hairdresser past the six months expiry date.

4 What is the best way to lose weight?

To not gain weight in the first place. Failing which, you can try not eating. And while it may result in an eventual death, nonetheless it’s almost a sure way to lose it all. Way to go, champ! And though you’ll suffer convulsions, delusions and a deepened longing for that scrumptious Big Mac, rest assured – at least your ideals will last though you may be withering away.

5 Is there anybody out there?

Yes. Who’d you think have been using up the toilet roll all this while?

6 Who is the most famous person in the world?

He who said, “I am who I am”.

7 What is love?

Love is neither a half full glass, nor a half empty one. It is both the glass and water. One without the other has no function nor meaning.

8 What is the secret to happiness?

To know that perpetual happiness will only lead you to the room of a thousand padded wall in a straitjacket.

9 Did Tony Soprano die?

Yes. If no, he will eventually.

10 How long will I live?

Longer than a mayfly, shorter than your in-laws.

#life #answers